We all get 'em. Email jokes and various articles find their way around the internet like wildfire. The following car related articles are from the WebCars! files.
WebCars! Email Collection
If Microsoft Built Cars
1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to
buy a new car.
2. Occasionally your car would just die on the motorway for no
reason, accept this, restart and drive on.
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop
and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this too.
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a "Car 95" or a "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
twice as reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but it
would only run on five percent of the roads.
6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars which would make their cars go much slower.
7. The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be
replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
8. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft
cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars
for many years.
9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas and all auto fluids but
the packaging would be supurb.
10. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
11. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
12. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what
13. They wouldn't build their own engines, but form a cartel with
their engine suppliers. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it.
14. There would be an "Engium Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be slower on most existing roads.
15. Microsoft cars would have a special radio/cassette player which would only be able to listen to Microsoft FM, and play Microsoft Cassettes. Unless of course, you buy the upgrade to use existing stuff.
16. Microsoft would do so well, because even though they don't own
any roads, all of the road manufacturers would give away Microsoft
cars free, including IBM!
17. If you still ran old versions of car (ie. CarDOS 6.22/CarWIN
3.11), then you would be called old fashioned, but you would be able to drive much faster, and on more roads!
18. If you couldn't afford to buy a new car, then you could just
borrow your friends, and then copy it.
19. Whenever you bought a car, you would have to reorganize the ignition for a few days before it worked.
20. You would need to buy an upgrade to run cars on a motorway next to each other.